Communication

Caring Conversations

Inevitably, leaders will be faced with the need to give people critical feedback on their performance or workplace behavior, discipline an employee, demote an employee, eliminate a position, implement a reduction in force (RIF), or tell people they are not a good fit for their job and ask them to seek other employment. How the leader has these conversations and how he or she conveys the message that needs to be delivered is crucial for organizational success.

Most leaders fear having these difficult conversations because they are stressful and often are emotionally charged.The anxiety associated with this important responsibility often causes long delays between the actual performance deficiencies or workplace behaviors that need to be discussed and the discussion itself. Not giving timely performance feedback robs the employee of the opportunity to fix the problem and erodes your credibility as a leader in the eyes of your other employees. Unlike wine and cheese, bad news does not improve with age.

Learning how to say “no” is an area of communication that people struggle with. In itself, “no” should never be an absolute response to any situation. It always needs a context and explanation so that the receiver can understand where you are coming from.

It is essential to be sensitive, respectful, and empathic to the employee throughout these conversations. Be especially cognizant of what you are saying and how you say it. Leaders who have little empathy are prone to giving feedback in a hurtful fashion. Also, voicing your frustration to the employee or attacking his or her character will usually cause an emotional backlash and undoubtedly will escalate the tenor of the meeting. The intention is to provide the feedback in a caring and respectful way, such that the employee remains whole throughout the conversation rather than emotionally scarred as a result of it. The steps to provide feedback in these difficult conversations are as follows:

• Prepare your notes and bullet points for the discussion. Be specific and pick significant incident(s) or events that illustrate the problem you are discussing or the reasons behind job elimination. Being vague or oblique in this discussion is demoralizing because it does not give the employee an opportunity to improve behavior or performance.
• Walk through the conversation mentally and think about how you intend to deliver the message. Consider the array of responses you might receive from the employee and mentally prepare yourself for how you would respond in each scenario.
• Meet with the employee and give him or her feedback in a simple and straightforward manner. Do not beat around the bush.
• Tell the person how he or she needs to change performance or behavior and what positive impact doing so will have for the organization. Make certain the employee understands the consequences of choosing to do nothing–that is, it means risking his or her job and career.
• Reach agreement about what the employee intends to do to change the behavior. Set a due date or a time frame in which to review progress.

A particularly difficult yet caring conversation, for example, could be sitting down with a director-level person and telling him or her that he or she is not meeting performance expectations and furthermore suggesting his or her skill and expertise are better suited to another position rather than the one he or she occupies. Numerous examples and leadership miscues that illustrated why it was necessary to make a change could be discussed, as well as how the person can be successful in another position. This example illustrates another expected role of the facilities leader–getting staff on the bus and in the right seats. On the bus means you’re heading in the right direction and supportive of the leadership vision and direction. In the right seats suggests that your role in the organization is consistent with the skill set and experience you bring to the institution.

Difficult situations, such as RIFs, require the same level of sensitivity to affected employees as the job performance example above. But they also demand that leaders be equally sensitive to the colleagues who remain in the organization. RIF situations raise anxiety levels in organizations to unprecedented heights because employees fear they might be next or worry about retaliation for continuing to exhibit loyalty to affected employees. Remaining employees will want to know why the RIF occurred; how the organization was sensitive to the needs of affected employees; whether there will be more budget cuts and additional RIFs in the future; how decisions about employees were made; what criteria were used to decide who was laid off; what alternatives to layoffs were considered.

Leaders need to be present to their remaining employees immediately after the layoff notifications are made so they can explain the situation and answer these and other questions that will surely arise. Leaders must be honest and consistent with their messaging when giving notice to affected employees in this circumstance and when meeting with the remaining staff afterward.

Crucial Conversations

A team member has just missed a critical deadline-what is being said to him or her? You disagree with your boss but you are afraid to push back with him or her. Top-performing employees are leaving the department because poor-performing employees are being ignored–who do you speak to and what do you say about this situation? Your boss is micromanaging your every move, but you hesitate to speak up. Every organization has problems similar to these, and they play a significant role in the quality of the work environment and work life employees experience day to day.

When faced with these or similar situations, it is quite common to back away from discussing them. It is easy to fear that the situation will become confrontational and that it will cause pain or escalate emotions or problematic behavior. In these situations, usually a lot is at stake surrounding the issue, opinions of the parties are varied, and emotions can be highly charged. Humans are experts at avoiding these conversations. We send e-mails to nearby coworkers rather than speak to them face-to-face. We leave voicemails when we are delivering bad news or trying to avoid contact with someone. We give the silent treatment to a significant other or friend. We change the subject when the topic gets too risky, and so on. Do any of these behaviors sound or feel familiar to you?

Most people in crucial conversations at work or in their personal lives resort to the “fight or flight” approach. This approach describes the way the primitive region of our brain responds to stress and anxiety. Flight in our environments usually means silence or absence. Fight, on the other hand, often translates to pushing, yelling, screaming, slapping, and other forms of violence. To have successful crucial conversations we must shift from how we traditionally have faced difficult situations and conversations to a dialog that encourages the free flow of meaning between individuals. In the book Crucial Conversations by Patterson, Grenny, McMillan, and Switzler, the authors outline seven tools that can lead to profitable conversations:

• Start with the Heart. This means starting with yourself and examining the role you play in the crucial conversation, including your real motives. Selfish motives like saving face, looking good, winning, being right, getting even, or punishing the other person will destroy any chance of having a successful conversation. So the first step is to identify and correct your motives. You want ones that are honorable, like learning, growing, understanding, making the best decision, or getting the best result. Keep in mind that “you can’t fake an honorable motive”–none of us is that good at acting.
• Learn to Look. This involves learning to see any signs that the safety of the parties is at risk from someone in the conversation resorting to either the silence or violence mode.
• Make It Safe. Making it safe for others enables them to speak honestly and candidly without experiencing negative responses or results from you. If either mutual purpose or mutual respect is violated in the conversation, parties will revert to their flight-or-fight behavior. Mutual purpose means you care about the other person’s goals and they feel likewise about yours. Mutual respect suggests that you each genuinely respect one another.
• Master the Stories. Being in control of your emotions and recognizing the stories that create emotions in you is the essence of this principle. The concept is that emotions are not passed off to you by others. They are of your own making. For example, we often blame others for making us mad when the truth is we make ourselves mad because of someone’s comment or their behavior. Additionally, once you have created that emotion, you must either find a way to master it or become a hostage to it by allowing it to control your future behavior.
• State My Path. This principle involves speaking persuasively and not abrasively. In other words, you share your facts and share your story and what you’ve begun to conclude. State your story as a story rather than a fact. Ask the other persons to share their facts and their stories. Make it safe to be candid in this sharing and to hold or express differing points of views.
• Explore the Other’s Path. This encourages the free flow of meaning. Begin with an attitude of curiosity and patience. Start by asking about the other person’s views. Acknowledge the emotions people are feeling. Paraphrase what you’ve heard to convey that you understand and also that it’s safe for others to voice what they are thinking.
• Move to Action. This turns crucial conversations into action and results. Turn your conversation into decisions and united action by avoiding the traps of violated expectations and inaction. Decide on who does what by when and agree to a method of following up.

Customer Conversations

Customer conversations take many forms, but all require a sincere interest in what customers have to say and a keen ability to listen, as well as discerning underlying issues, responding appropriately, following up consistently, and then closing the matter. Regardless of whether the customer contacts you or you contact the customer, these steps are necessary for a successful outcome.

As discussed earlier in this chapter, listening is probably the most important skill a leader must exhibit. At times, the words that are spoken appear to beat around the bush and dance around the real issue. Good listeners will seek to understand, ask questions, repeat what they hear, and seek clarification from the customer.

Consider a situation in which a key customer is regularly complaining about service. After looking into the matter, you might discover that your response and action steps were right on the mark, and that the constant complaint is a mystery. In this case, the customer may have an underlying issue that has not been clearly stated. This will require a sharp focus on what really is at the heart of the matter. After digging a bit deeper, you may discover the real issue. Perhaps the customer was expecting a significant savings, but it was not showing up in the financial statements. Their frustration manifested in the form of complaints about service, when the real issue had nothing to do with that. Active listening and asking questions can help you gain an understanding of the real concern, and this will result in more focused dialog to resolve misperceptions.

The foundation of establishing strong customer relationships is built on effective listening and follow-through from the facilities operation. People tend to think that follow-up means to inform the customer when a problem is fixed. Although that is important, it is equally important to make sure the customer receives communication from the beginning and possibly the middle of service delivery as well, depending on the nature of the request. Although staff may know that they are working to resolve an issue, the customers may not, and may be left wondering if their concern fell into a black hole and disappeared. In the absence of good information, people make up stories. In the world of customer service, that is not a good thing for a facilities organization, because inevitably those stories reflect negatively on the service provider.

Nothing as important as face-to-face conversations, and customers value them as much as employees. Whether you pick up the phone to check in, schedule lunch to catch up, or develop a formalized process for gathering information, personal connection is the way to go. Focus groups with eight to ten customers are a great way to gather information about service delivery, what we do well, and what we need to improve. The group dynamic in a focus group usually provides a lot of valuable feedback in a short period of time. The selection of the right facilitator who can listen to the comments without being defensive is key to getting good results from the process. Ensuring that everyone has an opportunity to contribute, asking probing questions, and keeping everyone on track are responsibilities of a good facilitator. A surefire way to call a screeching halt to a focus group conversation is for the moderator to become defensive and not listen to what the customers are trying to say. The result of a poorly facilitated group will be resistance to communication in the future and the continuation of mediocre customer satisfaction rates, at best.

Disney’s approach to dealing with customer complaints is intriguing, and its philosophy is worth instilling in your organization. Disney’s approach is based on the fact that if a customer comes to you with a complaint, you are in the enviable position of being able to correct it. When you correct a situation for a customer, you have gained an advocate and they will tell others. If the customer never came to you, but simply stewed over something that was broken and did not get repaired quickly, you never had an opportunity to make it right or to make a positive impression. This is why we work so hard to train our staff to welcome customer concerns and feedback. Be open to receiving feedback, thank the customer for sharing, communicate your progress, and complete the process. This is how your reputation as an excellent service organization will grow.

Contractor and Vendor Conversations

To meet the demands and responsibilities of a facilities organization, facilities managers must utilize contractors and vendors consistently and often. Although many organizations have skilled resources within their frontline staff, there are always times when someone from outside the university is called in to provide specialized service. It is worthwhile to spend some time exploring these conversations.

The current economic situation has hit the building industry hard and escalated the number of vendors pounding the pavement to round up business. If you are like us, you have several vendors a week wanting face time with you. This can be a significant interruption in your day-to-day work activities if not managed carefully. To better control schedules, designate specific days each week on which contractors and vendors can make appointments to make their presentation. When you receive a call, have the vendor routed to a specific administrative staff person who schedules these half-hour meetings. Walk-ins also can be directed to this established process. It is important to be available for these types of meetings, but equally important to manage the time to meet your needs rather than theirs.

Specific vendors may want to show you a product, which can be burdensome if not managed. Setting up a process to allow frontline analysis of the product can be a way to ensure that your time is well spent. Not every vendor gets face time! For example, a particular vendor of LED lighting systems may want to conduct a demonstration of their product in a building’s elevator lobby. If you direct this call to a staff electrical engineer to look through the material and talk to the vendor, the engineer can determine whether the product has a return on investment or cost-efficiency. This process not only helps with time management, but also engages the expertise of the frontline staff in the decision-making process for the organization.

Much of the information listed above is germane to all facilities organizations, and should be an important part of everyone’s communication skill set. There are different needs and expected outcomes depending on with whom we are in communication, whether a competitively bid contractual relationship, a single project proposal, or a product vendor. Knowing the desired outcome helps determine the direction you take. In all cases, transparency, honesty, and integrity are the fundamental values to maintain.

Executive Conversations

Top leaders in facility organizations are frequently called upon to make presentations to the president’s cabinet, the deans, the ways and means or budget committee, and the board of trustees. Virtually all these presentations are intended to update the group or seek approval and endorsement for a new building site, a capital project, energy conservation, or capital renewal budget requests. Many times you are invited to these meetings to elaborate on a project or respond to questions or concerns the parties may have regarding a proposal you are trying to advance. All of these presentations require excellent oral and technical skills plus graphics to illustrate the chosen site, the schematic design for a new building, a deferred maintenance problem, and the like. The combination of PowerPoint graphics or photographs together with oral explanations and elaboration is crucial to the effectiveness of these executive briefings.

For example, when managing communications with various board of trustee committees, you may meet with the Real Estate Buildings and Grounds Committee. During these monthly meetings, you may make presentations on new campus projects ranging from a $10,000 marble bench to a $1.2 billion health care redevelopment master plan and every kind of project in between. Update them on all the projects under way on campus by using the same combined oral and graphic techniques described above. Trustees were not interested or engaged in the conversation during past presentations done orally without many graphical aides. In fact, they appeared to be downright bored. Use photographs on the active project briefings together with a few oral comments. This approach will engage their interest to the extent that you may now need to be prepared for questions about contractor means and methods on some of the projects.